long time

It has been a while since I've written anything, I've been stuck in a bubble of thought. Which ideally is the best time to be writing. We all know that I have a hard time connecting the dots sometimes. I wrote like crazy last night though. More like 'typed' like crazy. I started on one topic and went to a completely other end of the spectrum. It felt really good though, just getting it out of me. I was writing things that I've never told anyone. It was interesting. it felt good, by just shedding light on subjects that never were allowed to see the light of day. Almost like an at home healing I suppose. I'm realizing that when I hurt I shouldn't just try to hide from it. I should address it, both physical and emotional pain is easier for me to deal with if I put it in the spotlight.

Speech and some rambling

I watched president Obama's speech this morning. His speech was at a highschool in Arlington, Virginia. There was a lot of debate on the speech, it was asked that schools allow their students to watch it live from their class room tv's. The speech was directed solely at students. There were a few school boards that decided that it wasn't the best option, instead that they were going to record it and then decide whether or not they should show it to their students. I also saw that there were a bit of people protesting outside the school where the speech was taking place, people were saying that he is attempting to brainwash the youth. There was even one quote taken from somewhere, that said President Obama was trying to brainwash the younger generation like hitler. I thought that was just a bit overboard. I watched the speech myself and although there was a part where he said that it isn't likely they would become rappers or basketball players the rest of the speech wasn't bad. There are two sides to everything, I mean I agree that there are some tests and schooling programs that are just outrageously hard but I think the mind set is something to work on. So much of the world thinks that school is just this nagging thing you have to get through. But I don't think it should be looked at like that. I think the education should be viewed by itself. I agree that actual school is a little hard to handle at times. But, the learning shouldn't be. When kids have these horrible experiences with other students or with teachers it puts a bad taste in their mouth on the whole educational process and that's just a shame. I thoroughly enjoy learning. Infact on my nightstand right now is an oversized hardbound book on america's history, it's called 'this fabulous century, 1900-1910' I have it just because. But as you all know I'm also the type who doesn't do well in public schools. So I'm happy with the fact that he is trying to encourage the younger generation to work hard for what they want and deserve. I'm thinking what most of the debate and misunderstanding is simply that people tend to argue about getting to the same destination a different way. I dont think anyone would honestly say that it is horrible he is encouraging children to learn and strive for their deserved education, but I do think people would rather him do it their way. And that's just not possible all the time, if everyone did the same things the same way there would be no individuality there wouldn't even be a need for freedom of speech all in all it would defeat most of what america stands for. Like it or not we are all different and that includes our president. He is his own person and rightfully so.

quotes

I absolutely love quotes. Just little things to think about. I heard a pretty fantastic quote today, it was off a movie. I had never seen the movie before and only caught some of it today. I believe it was called 'excess baggage' or something along those lines. Any way the guy co-star said it he said 'Do you know the best way to make your dreams come true? . . . The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." As soon as I heard it, it was like a little bell going off in my head. It's so true. I mean thinking about the things that I want to get done in life does absolutely no good. I need to stop thinking and plotting and planning I need to do it. The thinking and plotting and planning aren't bad things but without action they mean nothing.

I'm planning a little, I'm setting goals for myself and I'm going to make some of those plans known that way I have to stick to them, I can't just push the date back or anything.

My action for the night is simple, pick up the living room, finish the dishes, switch over the laundry and set the girls clothes out for tomorrow. Off I go.

I posted more pictures on facebook. I never can really remember the whole photobucket thing. I'm not having a very good night, well actually that's not the complete truth I was having a wonderful night all except the last hour and ten minutes.

1:31pm

Tomorrow is the big day. I have a full morning with appointments and then in the evening I start working. Mark keeps asking me if I'm happy about it, he says 'at least you'll be able to say you have a job' . . Just the wording makes the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I know he doesn't mean it in a bad way. But I was trying to explain to him that in society it's not always looked upon nicely when someone is 'unemployed' by the states standards. But, to me I don't have a problem with saying that I am unemployed. Well I dont even use that word really cause I don't think of it as 'unemployed' I think of it as not having a state paying job. It's not something that I feel is lacking from my life. I feel it'll be perhaps beneficial in the sense that it can help me accomplish a few things quicker. I'm not ungreatful for the opportunity but at the same time I don't feel lost without it. I suppose that's all for now. Next post will be much better.

rambling like nobody's business

So today was a litte interesting, nothing too crazy or anything. Just slightly interesting. The store that I had put my application into called back a couple times. I had returned a couple phone calls but we just kept missing eachother. When I finally got ahold of someone, Linda is her name, it went completely different than I was imagining it being. I had an interview with a gentleman named Bobby, it was kind of different but he seemed very set on me working the morning shifts in the stockroom. That shift would be primarily 5:00am to 9:30am Monday through Friday. But some of the days when shipments were bigger I would stay until 12pm Which wouldn't be that bad. I talked it over with Mark though and I realized that it might not be the smartest decision I could make. I mean it wouldn't be so bad if things were a little different but in the current situation I dont think I should choose something that has the potential to put any of my relationships at odds. Okay but back to the conversation with Linda, once I finally got her oh the phone I told her who I was and she sounded excited to hear that it was me and she quickly added that she had my schedule for me. I told her that Bobby hadn't even gone over the pay or dress code or any sort of thing so I wasn't expecting that to be what the phone call was about. She apologized for the misunderstanding and told me that she thought Bobby had handled all those details. I said that was fine we all have momentary flubs of communication, it's a fact of life. She then told me that I was scheduled for Thurs 5:45pm to 9:45pm and the same on Friday and then that I was scheduled Saturday from 9am to 5:45pm. This surprised me because 1) it wasn't at all what Bobby had mentioned 2) it didn't even correspond completely with my initial input on my availability. Needless to say I was a bit taken aback, but then it hit me that it wouldn't have the same effect on my day to day life as the other schedule would so maybe I should give it a go. Plus I'm extremely interested in this at home business adventure but it does need a little funding and at this current moment I have no means to fund it with so I perhaps would have at least a little bit of money to start the ball rolling on what I really do want to do. . . . At this specific moment my mind is racing with ideas and possibilities on several different things and then my mind just runs off with something because if this one thing works out then maybe it'll lead to this other awesome thing that perhaps would eventually lead to that and yada yada yada, needless to say I've had one to many cups of coffee and feel a nap coming on ~*~if only this were la la land~*~